I'm a liar
by JadeBeckOTP
Summary: Ever wonder what Jade is really thnking? I mean really, behind all the cold glares and snappy come backs? Is she really just the mean girl we now out to be, or is there something more. Find out...in her diary. HIATUS
1. I'm a liar

**A/n: My first fan-fiction ever. And it's about one of my favorite characters; Jade. I swear I have to stop staying at my grandma's house. My little cousin has into just about ever nick show out there. But I love Victorious. Even more than iCarly. And Beck and Jade are the best. They're not your typical couple and I love ever moment of them, this might turn into a Beck story later.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing 'cept this fic.**

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_…I'm a liar…_

I keep up a strong front.

Popularity; None. I lose a that game.

But I make sure now keep u my reputation. I'm rude mean and couldn't care less about what I do to others. They don't matter in my life. I'm a soldier fight in a one man war, and I like it that way.

I keep my standard high and that's what keeps people away. I don't waste my time with just anyone.

Except Beck. I wear the pants in the relationship.

That's also a _lie_.

Beck is my weakness the person who keeps sane. I'm jello when it comes to him. With him I'm like silly putty; except less gross. He can make me do almost anything. And I _hate_/l_ov_e it.

With him I don't have to lie to myself and say I don't care what other people think, because with him I really don't.

I don't have to fight a one man war because with him I'm at peace. There's no one else I feel more peaceful with.

With Beck I don't feel like a loser. Because he's right there with me; freakin' out and making me laugh. With Beck I don't feel like an outside trying to peek through the shattered window, because I'm an insider.

With him I can be the real me. The girl I lose with all the lies. My disguise is what's lost with him, and I don't think I ever want to _find it_.

I'm not a girl who doesn't care what others think. I don't _not_ want friends. I most definitely not strong.

I'm nothing but a weak powerless child, who has everyone fooled. I can't trust no matter how hard I try. I _do_ want friends. I don't lie fighting this one man war.

But you wouldn't know that, because I'm nothing but…

_…A liar_

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**A/n: Short? Yes, But I hope you liked it anyway. So like I said at the biggining this is my very first fiction. So if there are any mistakes please tell me, I want to get better at this. Tell what you liked whhat you didnt like, just...**

**...Please review.**


	2. I'm a loner part 1

**A/n: O so this is really short, and _really_stupid but it leading into the next chapter. Which I'm pretty confident about so please ready. And tell me what you think. I'm how do you think i'm doing with Jade thought process is she a little too ooc for you? Because I want to keep her in character, but at the same time this is a journal. Don't call it a diary Jade hates that, hehe. I'm so lame.**

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...I'm a loner...

It's not really because I want to, like everyone thinks. I'm always alone, and that's how it's always been.

I never chose to be this way; an outsider. Well maybe I did just a little.

This is going to sound really confusing if I don't start from the beginning so...I guess I'll have to.

You know what? I've yet to figure out why I've ever started to write in you. I just found you, hiding to my drawer. You were hidden underneath my clothe, and I should throw you away. I kind of remember writing in as a kid but I didn't find any of the pages. Which brings me back to, why the hell am I right in you? This is _insane_.

I must be losing it. One because I actually writing in you. And to because I referring to you…this as a you. I mean I'm arguing with myself here.

Ugh, now I feel that I've annoyed and repulsed with myself. This journal thing is stupid for me I quit.

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**A/n: Like I said it's really short but, I'll try to make the next chapter longer so just...**

**...please review**


	3. I'm a loner part 2

**A/n: I wasn't going to post this today. It's not like is wasn't already written, but I decided to edit it early. I think this will explain this. I might quit this because no ones reviewing :( and I only got one favorite. Which I'm excited and but please review everyone. Even if it really short, I need to now people actually like this. And if you do, then can tell your friends to read and review.I probably sound greedy right now but, help me out here.**

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OK, so maybe I was being a little erratic.

I guess I was just trying to avoid the story that is _my past_.

So, yeah. When I was younger, I like school it was ok, so maybe I was a little shy. But I still had _friends_. I was OK with that. We were close friends, Charlotte also known Lottie, Alex we'd called her Lexie, Caterina you know Cat; she was crazy then too, Jennifer she was Jenny, obviously. So, we had our own little club and everything.

_Jade, why are you doing? You don't need this._

_No, no I'm going to do this._

_Oh my god I sound, **PSYCHO**!_

Okay whatever, so we had our clubs. We would always laugh and have fun. We would play what we called it he pretend game. We'd come up with these we'd pretend to be and at them out. We'd dress up and just, you now kid stuff. We'd also play games like house and junk.

Anyway we were the weird group in our class we'd never play with the other kids, ever. I mean, it's not like we didn't like the same games. We just stayed away. We all had a bad feeling about them. So, we just _avoided._

My life at home wasn't too good. My parents would fight a little and I didn't like it. So school was my little _escape_. I never told anyone about it. Guess I thought as long as I have school everything would be alright.

_I was wrong._

Later on, I guess those _imbeciles_ start to get the feel they were _disrespecting_ by not playing with them. So, they put together all of their puny brains and started to mess with us. And me, being _me_ wasn't going to take it sitting down.

The teasing never stopped and we were all hurt by our peers. So, I came up with a plan to get them back for everything. I don't really remember what happened. But I remember it didn't work. The teasing was even worst then before.

We never physically fought, or anything. No matter how _badly_ I wanted to smash all their faces in. Cat, Lexie, Lottie and Jenny always told me to stay cool, and not to mention that I was out numbered.

And with this shit happening at school, my home life got worst too. Everything was slipping out of my hands, and there was nothing I felt I could do about it.

I did try to tell my parents about what was going on at school. But they were too busy hating each other to care about me.

That's what got to me. That's when I stated being so evasive, even ignoring my friends. It wasn't like we were the same anymore. We weren't as close as we were before. I was colder than ever before. Everyone was afraid of me even my friends. And that's what I hated most.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I did everything in reverse. Maybe if I had told Lottie, Cat, Jenny and Lexie about how everything was affecting me including my parent situation would things be different. Like, better different. I guess it too late now.

So what I'm saying is…

_I'm a loner_…and I _hate_ it.

And there's my stupid journal entry.

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**A/n; Hope you enjoyed as much as I did writing this. Tell me if here any mistakes I ind of rushed on editing/revising this. I really wanted to get this up. So...**

**...Please review.**


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